When I was a very small child I saw two young gymnast working out. Dressed in white, they gleamed in the sunlight. Their bodies were clean, pure and strong. I witnessed beauty for the first time and it stunned me.

At the age of 57 I have decided to build a physique that embraces that admiration. This has been a lifetime dream. In the age of instagram and selfies, that shouldn’t be a remarkable proclamation. But for me it defies a life of shame and self loathing. What does bodybuilding have to do with childhood sexual abuse? For me everything. The first assault exiled me from my body, my masculine body in particular.

In 2016 I made huge breakthroughs. I wrote about it in my first post, Belong. I have kept my story in fragmented, seemingly unrelated bits. It’s made it manageable. I ask for your patience as I attempt to examine my experience with sexual abuse. The more I write, the more I share, the more details I uncover. This blog is first and foremost for me to just be free, to break the silence, to reveal the secrets. I also hope it can inspire others to find a way out of whatever life has dealt them. Never give up on the you you’ve wanted to be.

-Brian Dennis

The picture is from the mid-late 80’s. One of the few I’ve always liked, maybe because it is out of focus.


5 thoughts on “Intro

Add yours

  1. My thoughts are with you, I’ve been there with my father. Any sexual assault is hard to move past. I offer my hand if you need to talk. Weather is always a good subject. We tend to beat ourself up already, no no need to talk with a person on internet about deeply personal subjects for others to read.
    I can say writing has help me get over some of the last steps. I’m glad the outlet occurred to me.
    Have you checked out Survivors Blog Here, there are several men in similar situations. I take it very seriously.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Melinda,
      Thank you for your ear. I may take you up on it. I’ve been busy with my visual work the last 2 months and haven’t had time or head space to write. It was the first thing I did when a slight crack in the appeared in my schedule. Writing is essential to my survival and growth.

      I follow Survivors Blog Here and have read some great posts.

      Thank you!


      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

Up ↑