I want to compose a piece(s) about my experience being raped. To date, I’ve scrawled a lot of therapeutic outbursts. They have been essential to my growth and survival. But none were written with the reader in mind. The posts have lacked a fabric that would share the experience. They simply stated facts and very little feeling.
In discussing it with my therapist he gave me an assignment. Put what I’ve written aside for now. Instead, simply list everything I remember, felt, thought and observed during the time I was in his apartment. I am to use simple sentences in the first person. No editing, even if I am unsure, write it down. I am to stay a neutral observer.
I couldn’t sleep this morning, so I got up and worked on it. After an hour I was exhausted and laid down on the sofa.
It is a messy 266 lines. I am noting things I never bothered with. Each of those damn little sentences is dense. Words don’t seem like they can carry the weight of what I can’t set free. But I know they can. The alchemy is working. Though it’s a winter day here, I feel and sense a summer from so long ago.