I will be meeting with a posing coach later this week. An old me is ready to hurl insults and shut it down. Just a few weeks ago I saw how easily he can do it. I’ve had to inventory my strengths. In doing so I realized just how much I will be bringing to the stage. I will be extremely lean, prepared and practiced. My physique won’t be a display of brawn, but it will emulate beauty. And suddenly, I saw who I was.

Encapsulated in this euphoric belief was a new understanding of my endeavour. My pursuit seems more of a body-revealing then building. I am not collecting muscle mass, I am gathering what is mine, unclaimed and long neglected. I am stepping into my potential, exposing my destiny. It was more than just an inkling of my future, it is who I’ve been all along.

There is a battle being fought. My sense of self is flickering through a multitude of quantum states. I didn’t want to write about the past today, but how can I not? I know the me who cringed at his reflection; the me who deserved exile. I’ve lived the broken and shy me. But none were authentically me, just my reactions to circumstances. I will protect these new found believes with all of my strength and without apology.

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