My trainer suggested a four week July Body Comp Blitz. The goal was to loose 10 – 12 pounds and to reset my body. Ever trusting in his wisdom I agreed. The day before it began, he told me to rest and pray for the merciful end. Hmm.
I got the schedule, just a few days with double workouts. Calories stayed the same in the first week. That’s all I cared about, so I didn’t really look at how the workouts were structured. If I had, I would have noticed a steady increase of work while decreasing my calories.
The first week ended with the bliss I wrote about in Done, Day One. In the second week I experienced the confusion I talk about in Forward. The month was punctuated with highs and lows, worries that I disappointed Nick, finding myself pushing harder than I ever thought I could.
On the last day, I watched the scale flicker, struggling to capture the wisp I’ve become. I was insanely on point, 2 calories under allotted intake the day before. How did it settle on a familiar number? I peed again, spit, remembered to take off my glasses and bam! The number I wanted stayed on the screen. I broke into my lean range. It wasn’t the goal, but it’s what I did.
I learned a lot about myself during the month.
In the end I didn’t feel hungry. Not that hangry you get when you are expecting but waiting. This was empty in my veins, hollow. Moments were profound, exhausting and for all their power, fleeting veils skirting me forward, amusements passing time until I could eat again.
I was challenged when taking my restricted calorie on the road. We took our Mothers to brunch. I scoped out the menu before hand and found the best dish. I just wouldn’t eat the bread, or the chips, or a neighbor’s fries. Of course both Mom’s ordered Peanut Butter Chocolate Pie, to share. Passing on the drizzled goodness was hard, but I’ve done harder things.
Later we attended a banquet diner. I remained motivated by watching who ate what. It helped to notice that the people having 4 desserts didn’t have the bodies I wanted. My tactic exploded when the leanest, fittest man in the room scarfed a pie plate. I held firm.
Beyond tactics I saw how I strived for something I wanted.
Working out on an empty fuel tank I realized I had something else to rely on, motivation! In the end I was so depleted, I couldn’t imagine making it through. But I did, one rep at a time. As I dug in, I found myself not looking to skip through. Instead I focused on Nick’s cues and execution.
I didn’t hit the numbers we set out for, but this wasn’t about success or failing. The goal was always about learning. In the end I had such a strong sense of confidence in just how extremely hard I worked. I was no longer concerned if I had disappointed Nick. I knew who I did this for. I witnessed my conviction. Even more importantly, I saw my identity as a serious trainee.