Speed Breath

As I struggle to express what I felt during the assault, more details come clear. Time wasn’t smooth and flowing, I remember amazing sharp details. Sounds are a blur. He was talking, taunting the whole time, but I only remember one sentence.

If you read it, go as fast as you can. If you stumble just keep going.

***Triggers***


Jolt

Tumble

Slam

Shock

Slow

Yes

No

Fast

Drawn

Out

Slow

Know

nothing

Hurt

 

landing will hurt

 

Slam

Ground.

Stop

Thud

Face Down

How down?

Not

Yes

Almost on wall cap

Almost over wall

Struggled around, feet towards curb as I have always known.

If the bus was there…

Slip time, skip

Listen for a bus

Dirt

 

Terror

Time Stripped

Dry

No time

Hard

Slow time

Tiny gravel

 

Tiny Gravel collects in divots, against roots, creamy quartz and grey specks

 

Time raced ahead

again

Face Smeared

Laugh

Cold

I know

don’t like him

Roll over

Divots, roots, stones digging

thin back

Him

I don’t like him

Lightweight pressing

all the same

Skinny legs, skinny

Boney

He knows it hurts

He rises and thumps

Make his point

Laugh

I try to thrust him off

Glee

he mocks me

Words I don’t remember.

Laugh

Mocking Laugh

Thrust spent

He scrunches forward

Weight shift hurts

Blue jeans, micro detail, bigger than gravel

He pulls down his fly

Now it’s not happening

Now, nothing jabs me

nothing I can feel

I stopped feeling

It’s gross and I am scared

Pause

Dirty

He pulls out his skinny dick.

I don’t want to look

It’s gross

ugly

Dirty

Pee

He’s gonna pee?

I hear his words

“Put it in your mouth”

Have I said anything so far?

No

What?

Through sealed lips I make the No sound

Shook my head “no”.

No

He’s mad.

He presses it against my face, my lips.

His weight is off my chest.

If I was paying attention I could have gotten out now

keep your mouth away

It

Turn my head back and forth he’s rubbing it in.

panic glances

sister.

teacher on the landing

She moves

He bolts

I’m up

Up

I know everything

Crashing on me

Breath it in

Sneak

Hold

Conceal

Hide

Pretend

Under the apple tree

in a crowd

Hide.


I’ve since written from the other boys perspective, Spring Loaded

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