Under 2:00 – Today/Then

Last week my therapist calmly asked me what I felt during the assault. Not a hard question. I’ve had 52 years to never ponder it, never ask myself, never relive it.

Therapy is today. The week was hard until yesterday, when I was light and engaged (maybe a bit too much). I’m now freaking out. Woke to a rotating series of stomach ailments. My body decided on a serious back spasm just as I was starting my work out. I really wanted to get lost in a hard, focused struggle this morning. I found work arounds that respected my condition but still pushed me towards my goals.

Only 4 hours until my session. I can answer the question.

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3 thoughts on “Under 2:00 – Today/Then

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  1. To the uninitiated, therapy doesn’t seem like hard work, and certainly not something that we need to mentally prepare for. But, for those of us that have had to try to force words onto emotions and scenes that we fervently wished were long buried, this can be some of the most challenging “work” ever done. It’s like trying to lift yourself off the ground without holding onto anything else.

    Your short post brought me back so vividly. Don’t know if I want to thank you for it… but I certainly respect you for staying with it.

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    1. Gabe,
      “It’s like trying to lift yourself off the ground without holding onto anything else.” describes it perfectly. There were no words then, I couldn’t comprehend any of it, what he was doing, what I was feeling. As I find the words, I am battleing with myself to use them.

      I am sorry if I took you back. We only have one life. The past will never change, but I don’t want to be a prisoner of it, I believe the struggle is worth it.

      Please do what you need to be well.
      -Brian

      Liked by 1 person

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