I’ve been writing, just nothing worth posting. I’ve been trying to write about my assault, continue what I started with Call It. This blog is first and foremost a place to purge. As I look at the assault I’m looking under the shame, or around it. I am seeing what I did behind, because of it.
I’ve been so good recently at finding a way to be kind to myself. But I struggle to allow that little kid on the playground his feelings. The worst part has always been how I hold myself in contempt for having feelings about it. I wasn’t attacked by a full grown man or even a teenager, he was smaller and younger than me. It was over in under 2 minutes. How serious could it be? How can it be that 5 decades later I am here crying?
My challenge isn’t to write a post. What I need to do is be with that boy, remember him and respect what he feels. I want to walk him out of the shame.