They’re always there, staring at me, watching me. So fucking scared of what I’d do. Eyes, bugged and fixed. What’s watching gonna do? Better you don’t know. You’ll never know. I left.
You were hog tied and gagged, but all I saw were your blue eyes. Wide eyes, a blink would miss it, then what? So much could happen if you wasted time blinking. Terror holds you still, waiting.
My hands were tied too. What did he tell you I’d do? Did you know I was a crusty queer? I wasn’t the nice kid you were staring at. You were sure as fuck scared of something. I couldn’t kiss you, gagged.
He untied me. Told me to do anything I wanted. I could have opened your pants, done your bits. But I’m more prone to kick em up into your guts.
But not then.
Now, yes, just to make you go away, exhaust the ghost. Break the ghost, beat him to a sobbing heap. Blick fuck, blink. Break the boy, break the stare. Tears to quench…
But then, you were only a test. There wasn’t anything I wanted to do to the handsome boy, bound and gagged, moaning.
In the dark ages, it was so hard to diagnose. The only thing wrong with me is I thought I was a queer. When given the chance to take another boy, I felt nothing. I walked away, victorious over my dreaded state.
But it wasn’t a test. My desires gained traction and knew what was true. And over the years your stare burned me with shame. I discovered how sick the world was, I left you to that. The desperation in your eyes pleaded with me not to not touch, but to rescue. I left you.