Clarity Creeping

He Let Me Go

That has been a narrative since I was molested. It’s never made sense, but I found explanations and I wrote it off as he was done with me, or I wasn’t worth the struggle. With my understanding of who I am and the circumstances, it’s the only way it could have ended. He let me go.

Now, decades  later I am writing down the story and there is something I’ve been keeping from myself. I escaped, I shoved him, I pushed him, and the moment I was free, I was out the door. He didn’t step aside and allow me to leave the room.

I have to wonder why I never saw that? Why when there are demonstrations that I am not a pathetic weakling do I dismiss them?


I escaped John Govan. Me a 14 year old kid against a 34 year old man. He was twice my weight, taller and had the advantage of being the aggressor. I was in shock and confused. And against those odds, I kicked in and took care of me. I wish I could have seen myself as the fierce kid I must have been.


One thought on “Clarity Creeping

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  1. Brian,

    Saw your own comment on my writing so i read some of yours when I should be walking in to work. Just a quick note to say that I have noticed you. You write of your toughness in this post, the fight back in you. It wasn’t just back then – you continue to fight back with every word you write and use to reach out. Keep fighting. I’ll read every word. It is in isolation that abuse happens, but in community, healing is possible.



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