Flow ’74

2 years ago I came out on Facebook as a rape survivor.

Everyday

Every morning, same routine: pose for a progress photo. Find my abs, turn on my left leg, flex hard, find the shield, flex hard, flex hard. Take the shot.  Every morning I see myself as strong and muscular. I am not the most, nor the biggest. Where I am on the spectrum isn’t important. That...

Sometimes | Simple as

Why do you do the things you do? I’ve taken a meandering path for a sweet nugget of insight. “I can hardly believe how good you got at hating yourself” These words came in hard and piercing. It was during a casual conversation with a friend about my physique. I mentioned my relief to be...

A riot and a boy

To know Now...

Flow ’74, Notes

Pretend you are worth it, you will come to know you are.

Measured

I was warned that preparing for this would be the hardest thing I had ever done.

Post Competition Quikie

The competition was an amazing experience. Yesterday, the day after I was a heap of happy exhaustion. So much happened so quickly I will need time to reflect on it all. I had no idea what to expect. My coach, Nick Deacon said I would be coming home with trophies. But I honestly thought he...

This Body

This bodyEntwined of graceAnimalIntelligentSinewyPrecisionExposed This bodySolid On frameNoble of purpose Carved in pursuit. This bodyyou taught to hateStands unfurled Defiant to your indignitiesGlowing in now This bodyyou played to snuffBreathes deep This bodyyou sold Harbors incomfort and council This body is mine To build as I see fit How dare you dare. As witness This...

Look/See

“How do I look?” will never answer “Who do I see?” Identity vibrates between states, skittling and shaking, hints of vaporous solids anchor the ends. False states are mingled in and overlaid. Aspirations tinged with hope, mislead. Opinion and insight can reveal, but not transmute ownership. I have a collection of facts, pasted and stapled...